What the Hell Happened?

I’ve recently come to the painful conclusion that my passion for photography has all but vanished withered to a pitiful stump.  What the hell? But, if you remember, I did remark on how the same thing happened with music for a while.

Of course my natural instinct in these situations is to turn to Google for an answer and found this: “Why You Should Let Your Passion Die.” How about that title? Good Lord. Yeah, just let the passion die. Embrace laziness and the meh of life. Vanilla ice cream for this guy! Seriously though, it’s a good read. And short! Plenty of time left to eat some plain crackers as you stare into a grey wall of regret.

The photography thing, however, does worry me. Oddly enough, it concerns me more than when I walked by my music room some years ago and questioned why I wasted so much time on that stuff. I couldn’t be further from that way of thinking now. Pendulums do come back and it’s swung hard towards music. Which may be why I’m so determined to reignite an apathetic shutter finger. Why can’t the two worlds coexist? Surely they can, right? Will the same thing happen again to music? Please no! How do I keep that from happening? Can I pat my head while I rub my belly? No, I can’t. I’m doomed!

So, what does it feel like to see the love of your life drooling on freshly laundered sheets while they sleep or hear them cackle wildly after farting up a storm in the bathroom? (i.e. fall out of love)

When I force a camera into the car with me lately, more often than not, I end up not even taking any photos. If I do succeed in getting it out of the car, nothing seems good enough to trip the shutter. If I manage to frame a shot, I’m usually left walking back to the car with the look of someone relegated to a heap of no-talent artist wannabes. I’ve even thrown away two rolls of partially shot film because I just kind of gave up on them. I believe I could even smell the film’s sickly farts. Get out of here you disgusting mess!

I’m continually wowed by photographers I follow on Instagram and Flickr and feel like, “Why bother. They’ve got it covered!” Recently I saw a book in the VMFA giftshop that featured a Virginia photographer and his photos of decaying homes and structures around the state. Absolutely beautiful photography. Stuff I’d love to do. But, why? It’s already being done! It’s so hard in this time of photography up the ying-yang to feel like you can capture anything unique – something that no one else has found.

I don’t know what the answer is but I’m trying to remind myself that you can’t force yourself to suddenly be into something again. Give yourself the space to take a break from it if need be. It will come back in time. You’ll even miss cleaning those spots of drool off the sheets. Not the farts. Never the farts.

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